Finding my level

Friday 22nd March 2019:

Yowzers! That was a long sleep. 11 hours. It was probably the longest forty winks I’ve had in at least nine years…since pregnancy and children. To be honest I could roll over and kip for a while longer…and I just might. OK, so I won’t be rolling onto my side as we’ve already established I’m too terrified to sleep in any other position than on my back.

Who would have thought sitting on one of my dining chairs and having my hair done yesterday, along with making lunch and hanging a few “get well” cards could be so exhausting? I didn’t even leave the house.

I managed a 20 minute afternoon snooze before the cyclonic entrance of my children after school. I wouldn’t have them any other way but even that wipes me out. My mind feels capable, my hair looks good (if you like cosmic coral and a number one on the sides), I’ve been wearing my war paint, yet I still have to stop several times while ascending the stairs. Even my parents are more adept. To be honest just standing up for more than a few minutes warrants a long relax on the sofa.

Maybe I need to remember what my body has just been through. I’m popping the pills and my heart seems to be behaving itself, for the most part, but baby steps really does mean baby steps. I wonder at what stage I will no longer be scared of what a fragile line I walk…we all walk? When will I go back to taking it for granted…that easy-going feeling of immortality? It certainly has its perks.


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