One step forward…two back

Sunday 24th March 2019:

Today, I was supposed to run the London Landmarks Half Marathon. Although I know it’s better that I had my heart attack two weeks ago and not as I crossed the finish line, psychologically this is a set back.

In more positive news, I’ve raised almost £550 for Alzheimer’s Society (huge kudos if you sponsored me), I’ve also received further wellness packages from biscuits (thanks Nikki) to home cooked chilli (you’re a star Edna), the sun is shining and I’ve joined a sarcoidosis support group.

This, at the moment, seems like a step in the right direction but hearing other people’s experiences is also a tad unnerving. Better to know though, right? It’s like when I was in hospital I made sure the nurses and specialists knew I didn’t want anything either keeping from me or dressing up. If the prospects are bad, for me it is better to face them head on. Total control freak. Though knowingly totally out of control.

Five years ago I experienced left-sided paralysis of the face and limbs, my speech was also temporarily affected…like I’d just downed 20 gin and tonics but without the initial hedonism or latter hangover. I was hospitalised for a short time and spent several months off work. Initially, it was treated as Bell’s palsy but later put down to stress. I also suffered chronic fatigue…which frankly I believed was a Mickey Mouse illness until it struck.

There is now a train of thought that this episode could either be related to my heart attack or…and I fear this the most…my sarcoidosis. Is it possible I have had this inflammatory autoimmune disease on my brain – neurosarcoidosis? I certainly intend to find out.

It is undoubtedly further proof that we have no clue what’s going on, on the inside. In fact, on my initial admittance to A&E for my heart attack I was questioned twice over my age and whether I was really 40 as I look “so much younger”.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

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